Monthly Archives: May 2013

Embracing Darkness

How the arms of the clock swivel faster than it was 10 years ago. And the heat is scorching even at dusk, the air sticking to the skin like slivers of strings soaked in sweet syrup.

The heat may be unbearable, but time eventually cools it down as it transitions from light to dark. In darkness, all senses are magnified for survival, and in time we navigate our way through till we reach safety.

Wherever or whatever ‘safety’ is for you.

How Darkness envelops. It can grip you. Choke you. Scare you. Consume you. You can blend in. Hide from plain sight. Be mysterious. Be feared. But, Darkness doesn’t have to be negative, it means to embrace a part of what we usually don’t confront or rather, can’t confront. It is that moment where one teetered between the chaos of happiness and the calm of insanity. And deciding how to deal with it.

Darkness is the time to reflect, along with quietness.

We live through conversations, colors, laughter, sand, water and wine under the sun, sea and friends, but as darkness blankets, we realize we are vulnerable. When the world sleeps and you are staring at the ceiling from your bed, your mind take a whole new turn. You wondered, how billions of people you can reach out but still feel alone?

You can probably say, I can solve this on my own. I am used to it, I will be ok eventually, it’s no big deal. You can be indifferent to others who tried to reach out, because you do not want to be perceived as weak, needy or a failure to hold on. You can probably try and have night vision. But I don’t think anyone has that grasped in their lifetime ever. Even if you try.

We all go through something in our lives that changes us. But that is not suppose to stop us from caring for another person. To reach out to the darkness and hold a hand to listen, to say everything will be alright.

And you don’t have to walk in darkness alone.

Snippet 3: Love

Love is a 4 letter word,

a small word that overwhelms.

A word that can build and destroy,

souls and hearts in a matter of minutes.

Cities great and small.

It can instantly turn you,

turn you into the haze of dreams,

into the fires of desire,

into the abyss of depression.

Love is devastatingly simple,

but also devastatingly complex.

A puzzle that is forever changing,

not knowing if we will ever solve it,

or know it,

or grasp it fully.

It will always be a mystery,

an emotion that even the coldest,

melts upon its touch.

– Camy 9:54am / May 19, 2013

Snippet 2: In the Quiet

In the quiet I reflect,

the matters that mattered.

The life I had lived

and has yet to be lived.

In this new pattern I weave,

slowly and in caution.

For it is fragile, and deep.

that one wrong move will unravel,

destroying all that was made.

So I hold on to it,

and kept my gaze fixated,

never leaving the pattern.

 

In the quiet I gazed,

into the colors that sway and saturate,

as I rarely blink,

remembering every contour,

every shade.

Wounding every single hue in its place,

creating a world of new beginnings,

and a new name.

Blessed I feel,

in the quiet I reflect amidst chaos of reality,

beneath all I have yet to discover,

i know there are answers waiting in every corner.

– Camy 8:05pm / May 13, 2013

Mother

 

mom

Dearest Mother,

We are 2 opposite individuals who clashes. And to think we are bonded in blood.
But despite our differences, there are times when we instinctively gravitate to one another and we become one. And for that moment, we knew we got each other’s backs. I think we always have…we just don’t acknowledge it as much.

I think you have underestimated how I feel about you.

Mother, I love you. I know you had given up a lot of things for me and to my brothers. That sacrifice resonates even to the farthest corner of the universe, and your love expounds not just to us but to the ones who need it. You are beautiful, both inside and out.

You bring joy to us, making us laugh and most in my case, FACEPALM. You are so silly, but I think you know that, and you play that as a strength. The ability to make us see joy in the form of you.

It took a while for you to accept me as a person with a different point of view, seeing that it is not evident to my other 2 brothers. In fact, you wondered where I probably got my prickly nature. My father maybe? (hm, possible.) Or maybe there must be a distant relative somewhere who is as ‘strange’ as I am. Who knows? At the end of the day I am still your daughter, prickly nature or not.

You never fail to amaze me in the things that you do. One minute you are cooking up a storm in your duster, and then the next you are ‘BOSS-ing’ up in your pearls, pastel top w/white pants combo, eyeliner, blush and swept up ponytail. I guess there is such a thing as a Superwoman. Magsama na nga kayo ni Clark Kent. Mga IMBA. 😀

Anyway, I allowed myself this much mush in one post. I wish you all the love and happiness in this world. I love you so much Mom. You’re awesome and don’t forget that.

From your daughter,

camysignature

Weekend? What Weekend?

I always greet the day with a smile when Friday rolls around.

Unlike my love-hate relationship with Monday, Friday gives me that sense of relief that the weekend is just a couple of hours away. So my energy triples when Friday rolls around. I think my coworkers and bosses can attest to that.

Saturday is usually chores day. It’s either I do things around the house or I just try to do bits of work here and there. But all I know is that there is always something to do on a Saturday.

Sunday….um. Well. Cheat Day? I eat what I want on this day so I look forward to it. But man, it’s also that incoming dread that Monday is just around the corner. And I often felt sad for the weekend to end.

2 days is simply too fast for a weekend. Here’s to wishing (along with many others) for a 3 day weekend.

:)

Snippet 1: Call

Call

Strings in my heart,

were pulled and plucked, 

to create a melody that resonates in my soul.

It is a way,

to describe a call,

to the one who makes me feel whole.

– May 1, 2013 9:57am

*It’s been a while since I wrote a snippet of poetry. And this came to me suddenly. Glad to know that in a way, I haven’t lost it.

Happy Labor day y’all.